When i first heard of this situation.. i got into thinking... what would i do if this happens to me...? here's the sory....

Paula is married to Francis for 10 years now. They married at a young age. They'd been together since Paula is 15 and after 5 years being gf-bf, they tied the knot... For all those years Paula has been faithful to Francis and in Paula's view francis is the same with her.. though Franicis did make many mistakes that gives quite a pain for Paula... but since Paula love Francis truly.. she put all of those things behind her and accepted Francis again and again... but little did she know that Francis has a past... While they were together in those 5 years of being bf-gf... Francis fooled around... He had a one night stand... And now the past has emerged with a kid involved... what do you guys think she'll have to do? Surprisingly Paula can't find any anger for Francis... but yes she's hurting and confused... What's she's feeling is like all those years that they've been together is a lie... and very unfair for her... Coz Paula's has been very faithful to Francis tho before there were others that pursue Paula... Among them is i can say that Francis is the least favorable in many aspects but Paula did choose Francis among them... Is it love... i guesss... but does Paula deserves her current situation? after all the sacrifices that she'd benn thru....?


I personally know those two and so i witnessed their love story... that's why i can personally tell what Paula's going thru... i actually don't want to be in her shoes... but she needed advice... and as of this moment i actually don't know what to say to her... maybe bcoz like her i'm also can't believe that this is happening... it feels like they were in a movie... if she were me i'll leave Francis... but as she said there are lots of things to be considered specially their daughter.... Man! this is a hard sitution.... tha's why i turn to you guys... what would you do if you're in her shoes?.....

Oh man ... that is a bad situation ... and yeah she does not deserve what's happened ... but then I guess there are a lot of factors which need to be taken into consideration before taking any possible course of action ... for example, the character of Francis ... if he has matured and is sincerely apologetic about what has happened ... then that is a factor she needs to consider ... another important factor would be the 'third party' ... for example, does she want him, or does she jus want money to for the child, is she genuine for help or does she cold-heartedly want to break up the marriage??

Either way ... this isn't gonna be easy for her ... geez this sounds incredibly like one of those plots for series ... but I suppose that if they can resolve them in the series, then they can resolve this. Jus take everything as it comes and deal with it the best she can, take it easy and think logically and not in an emotionally attached way if possible ... often objectiveness is the best way to find solutions to problems!!

Good luck to your friend!!!

As from what she had said... Francis is indeed sorry for what he did but then again this is not the first time that Francis hurted the feelings of Paula... As for the third party Francis told Paula that the girl doesn't want anything... He said that the girl said she just want Francis to know... but i got into thinking that, of all those years has passed why did she choose to tell Francis now? I really pitty Paula coz though she want to believe everything that Fancis has said to her but in her heart it tells her that Francis is still not telling the truth...Oh well, Paula is very confused right now and she thought that the best way to deal with it is to pretend... though she said it hurt her deeply but she's willing to pretend that nothing happened... And I agree with her.. Do you think that it's right to just pretend nothing happened? Honestly, i'm so sad that such a thing happened to them... Especially for Paula coz she's like a sister to me... and i thought too that what they've have is a great love... but now i don't know if such love really exists...

I'm watching Secret Garden.. and there's been a quote about love...it's said that Love is like a crystal once it's broken even if you tried to fixed it it'll never be the same again... it'll never be whole again... coz even if it's fixed cracks would still appear... the best way is to buy another...

is it really like that?

I really think that this is a very hard situation for your friend. i can understand that the reason why she is coping up with so many things is cause she really really truly loves him. but i don't think that pretending that nothing has happend will help very much, cause in the end you are only hurting your self and deciving yourself. I think she should really try to listen to her own heart and her own feelings. i know that she wants to do everything to stay together cause of her child or because she just don't wanna loose him but still it wouldn't bring happiness to either one of them. But i don't really know the situation so it is difficult to give advise or anything. i can only give my opinion. but i really do think that even through he is sorry it doesn't take away the fact that he has done many things before that hurt her. and if he really loved her he wouldn't do that to her. so i think if she feels like a doubt in her heart or anything of that kind she should think it over again, if she wants to continue or just stop it.

I really feel sorry for Paula and I can imagine all her doubts of the past years, especially after she found out about Francis' kid.

But what to do if I was involved in such situation? Hard to say. There are so many things we don't know. Therefore I don't dare to say what to do. Some advice at most..

What I would do.. is to find out what Francis has to say and what he's going to do about this. At least giving him a chance to speak. As far I can tell from your words Apple.. is that you actually don't know his side of the story.. I might be worth to find out. Only a complete, clear story from both sides can help you to give help to Paula.

So I would I go the Francis and talk what he has to say. After that try to reamin objective in your advice. Although it's hard. But to say that Francis doesn't love her... I wouldn't say that inmediatly. Afterall they've been together for so many years and even have a kid. Altough he doesn't always say the truth, doesn't mean there's no love. Doesn't he have the right to keep some secrets? Maybe he keeps those secrets in an attempt to prevent hurting Paula even more. There arej ust to many things to think of. And not knowing the whole story doesn't make it easier. In my opinion.. talking with Francis should be a priority.

About the Francis' kid... Should he just ignore his kid? I think not. If he does so.. it just means he's still as irresponsible as in the past! and I really don't think that Paula fell in love with irresponsibility.

That's all I can say.

Good luck!

P.S. If he cheated her more then once... then she really should divorce. Then he doesn't deserve it to be with her!

Wow, this really does seem like something that would happen in a movie.

I think for many people, it's really hard to leave someone you truely love. But if they keep hurting you over and over again is it worth fighting for it? If he loves her and didn't mean to hurt her, it's one thing, but if he purposely cheated on her over and over again, in my opinion, he's not worth fighting for.

And I agree with you on the crystal thing. Once it's broken, it can never be the same. It's like trust, if you ever lose the trust of your parents, it's very hard to gain it back again. And never will they trust u the same again.

I can understand her not wanting to get a divorce because of her child. She doesn't want the kid not to have a father. But if she does, will the kid be mistreated and live a miserable life. Wouldn't it be better to find someone else who can really love her and give her wat she really deserves.

And like yashuo said, mabye it's best to first hear his side of the story beforing deciding anything else. But beware if he's telling the truth or lying.

Hmmm ... just out of curiosity ... does Paula have a child?

Cases of 'true love' these days is a hard concept to grasp because it appears less and less ... but even though the situation is so bad for both of them, the process of their being together as you have described really seems as though they are destined for each other!

If they can both move on from this tragedy, then their love will strengthen ... if they can't ... then it is doomed to failure ... I think that Paula sounds like a very nice person ... so the stability of their relationship really depends on Francis ...

Once again I must offer my sympathies and wish them a good luck!!

If this gets resolved, you must let us know Apple!! We all hope for a happy ending for Paula!!

Actually I did ask her about Francis side... Francis said to her that it actually happened before they got married coz there once a time that their relationship isn't stable... there's a point that they have an on-off relationship... Francis told her that "that" happened when they cooled-off and he said it only happened coz he didn't know that they would be together again... and that it's only a one night stand thingy... She asks Francis if they that girl and him had a realtionship... he said they didn't... Paula asks straight forwardly if it's just a lust... he said yes... The thing is Francis don't actually don't want to talked about it coz he said he's not yet ready to discuss everything... That only reason why he told Paula is coz Paula insisted on knowing what's bugging Francis... Paula said she's willing to hear everyhting... but Francis said to her he doesn't wanna talked about it yet coz he said he's not yet sure if the kid really belongs to him... and he haven't seen the kid yet too... Paula said that he only said that he was so sorry about what he did and he was sorry too for hurting her again and again.. He said that he really didn't mean to but yet it happened...

On Paula's side she said that what she feels right now is uncertain.. tho she doesn't hate Francis nor angry at him... but she feels that everything between then is all a lie... She said if Francis could have told her before she wouldn't get marry with him in the first place... and that they wouldn't have a kid... maybe she could have a different life... that maybe he wouldn't have done so many things that hurt her....

She said to me that she also don't want a divorce coz the fact remains that she still truly loves him and that she don't want their family to break down like that... Coz actually Paula came from a broken family too... and that she is an illegitimate child too... She said to me that she actually understand the other kid's feeling but what she couldn't understand is everything that she've done not to have same situation as hers is she still end up with that situation...the only good thing in that is that they're the legal family and her child has all the rights...

Actually i couldn't believe too that Francis couldand would have done such a thing... coz i also see that Francis is a really responsible and a really nice person... from the beggining we saw that Francis really loves Paula... but yeah somewhere along the way, Francis changed.. he'd done things that we too couldn't believe that he's capable of... but inspite all that Paula still accepted Francis...

Paula said that tho her mind tells her to believe evrything what Francis has told her but her heart still feels that he's still not telling the truth...

Man! hearing her situation makes me speechless.. i actually don't know what to advised her... I said to her too that pretending would not solve it and yes she is also deceiving herself by doing that... She said she knows that too... and she also don't know if she can actually make herself believed that nothing happened... she said she's trying her best to accept all those things... that she's trying to have strenght to go on for the sake of her kid... but she doesn't know how long she can take all those thing...

I also can't believe that these things could actually happen in real life... i know i believe in love... that love can conquers all but what if that only one person is truly loving the other and that the other person doesn't have as much as love as that person that truly loves him... would it still works? even if the love that Francis have isn't as much as Paula's love for him... i don't want to see them break up to coz i still believe ther's hope .. but yeah what can Paula do is really nothing coz everything is in Francis' hands... I just hope that Paula can stay strong and wouldn't get tired of Francis... coz let's face it thru time if heart is beeing deeply hurt again and again... it can alo get worn off, right?

Thanks you guys for listening to Paula's story what you guys said helped me talk thing to Paula... in little ways i know we give her hope and courage...

Maybe Paula should take a brake.. instead of pushing herself so much. Go away from Francis.. to clear up her mind, giving herself a chance to put her thoughts together. To find out whether she really loves him that much to give it another try with Francis.

Besides.. it also gives Francis time to think about her past.. the things that made her suffer that much.. time to make him feel the consequenses for real. That Paula is serious this time.. "on the edge of leaving him". Giving him the feeling that this time he might loose her for real. Giving him sort of an 'mental shock'.

Paula is just to lenient and nice to him in the past. Maybe a short break will clear Francis' mind and see the facts!

Should he just leave Paula to go away.. not 'begging' / 'convincing' to come back... then I would say... Paula has his answer.

Maybe this sounds a little bit extreme, but I think it's time for Paula to give more thoughts about her feelings instead of Francis'. Yet I truly wish that this kind of solutions isn't nescessary.

Take carez of Paula.. Apple..

it's a love definetly that's y paula accepted that in this situation u cant just look at urself only u got to look the family that they had build in 10 years all the hard n pain u cant just throw away it's not like francis still cheating on her it just his past...as long as he still with her n still beside her she arent got to worry about nothing it just more kids just accept them if u want to save ur family. u cant just overeact n blow things out of porpotion,,, u got relax clam n think all the possibilties that's my advice to all the ladies out there.....marry too young can bring out so manny pain n happiness i can say it cuz i have a sis that marry too young so yah hope that's help

Well i don't know if it's really an update but just wanna let you guys know that Francis said to Paula that there's a a high probability that the "girl" is lying. Thant the kid isn't Francis coz the girl said that the kid would be turning 7 and they've counted the years it happened and if so the kid should be just 6 years by now not 7.

I still don't know if that's a good news... Paula said they haven't really talked about that stuff... Francis is not yet willing... Though Paula is i think in some sort of denial too.. I can't say she's better now coz i don't see her crying anymore when we talked about this issue.. i know she's just pretending to be alright...

some points to be consiredered though... i just noticed this... most of the men who have had an affair and have been forgiven... tendency... no... 60% of them do it again... if that's so, if Paula forgave Francis, there'd be a high probability that he'd do it again right?

i have heared about the statistics too and it is true man who had an affair and are ' easily forgiven' will tend to do it much more often even through they know that they will hurt their loved ones but even so it is also a fact that once a man has cheated the tendency that he will cheat again will be very big.

And even if he wouldn't cheat again there is still the issue of trust. Once the trust is broken things will be different and never be the same.

But i really hope that your friend will see the reality and that she will see that there is no excape from it. she really has to face the reality cause otherwise she will only hurt herself more. so she really should confront francis and make him talk about all the issues cause only then there will be the possibility of an healing progress

Hmmm ... true ... but if you think about in another light you could draw other possible solutions ...

For example, if Francis really loves Paula and is willing to spend the rest of his life with her and no other ... then we have to note how a break-up would impact him ... the best example of this is what you said about how he had an affair with the other gal when he and Paula's relationship had broken down ... that indicates that it prob wasn't a genuine attempt to hurt her ...

Thus, from that, we can conclude that IF Paula does decide to leave him, there's a higher chance of his repeating his past mistakes ... and if he really loves her ... then he could do other things out of depression ... =S I dunno ... but personally I think that if they love each other, they should just stay together and let things work out themselves, because he was prob a victim in the whole issue too ...

But of course everything that you guys have said is true too ... poor Paula ...

Actually from what I've heard from Paula she's actually trying to work it out... She said she's giving Francis a second chance... though she still have doubts but she's still willing... and up untill now Francis is still not opening the issue with her. Francis is not trying to clear Paula's mind about her doubts... Paula wanted to but still Francis is refusing... All just Francis said is don't leave him and he's trying his best to change... but the thing with Francis is, as Paula said .. Francis tend to say things but his actions speaks differently... for example she tell Paula that he loves her but on their 9th anniversary Francis chooses to drink out with his buddies... he totally ignored Paula though Francis knows that it's an important day for Paula and she wanted to spend that day with him... He even promised to eat out with Paula but instead he choooses to have a take out instead and go with his buddies... when i heard that story... i said, Man! what an insensitive guy!!! but still Paula defended Francis... She manages to understand Francis though she's deeply hurt by his actions... and yes there's a lot of incidents like that that happened between them... Now, Paula asked me if i were in her shoes would i believe Francis? I said i really don't know... She said to me that though her mind have doubts but her heart is still willing to believe... I know Paula is still sorting things out with herself.. though she guaranteed me that hse's not angry with Francis and the girl... she understands that it's a thing of the past... and just have to accept it! She said maybe it's better to just follow her heart... maybe she's right... sometimes the heart knows what should really be done... I know Francis is not that bad... looking back at what he did for Paula, maybe he still deserves a second chance... I hope to that they work it out...^__^

well i know that it will be painful at first but it is better if she leaves him because it is very clear that he will never change his ways and will continue hurting her since she does not make a big fuss out of it.it will seem hard at first maybe heartbreaking at first but so long as she makes the 1st step in leaving him everything will become better.she may be afraid that her child will be hurt but she must know that if she continue to stay with him the chid will sense the tension between them and eventually leading to an unhappy childhood. if that is so why bother to stay.it is better to leave him and start afresh.

Well you have a point dreamer gal.. but in fairness to Francis, he's really not that bad... he maybe just too insesitive to Paula...


Heyguys! just want you to know the progress between Paula and Francis... turns out the girl is lying... The girl send an e-mail to Paula saying that everything she said was made up just to get Francis from Paula... The girl said the she was bothered by her conscience that's why she told everything to Paula... i guess everything is ok now with Paula and Francis but Paula can't get it off her mind that Francis is capable of hiding something like that to her... Even if all things are not true... she still can't fully trust Francis... Poor Paula... she still can't figure out what's truth and not... still is difficult for her to trust Francis' words... i guess i can't blame her... even i would feel the same way i guess if putted in the same situation...

Oh man ... and what was in it for that girl?! Did she like Francis?? Couldn't she find the real dad?? Evil girl!!

Wellz I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that Paula found out about the affair ... it could be said to be a bad thing and that the girl was entirely to blame coz she really didn't need to reveal the truth coz Francis didn't owe her anything anyway ... on the other hand ... it can be said that it was a good thing coz it ultimately means that Paula found out the truth ... sometimes it's hard to decide whether knowing the truth is a good thing or bad ... but I think it's worse for Paula to live in falsehood ... so now I think at least she has a choice, she knows the truth and she can get on with her life ... sometimes tragedies can prove to be real learning curves where people grow more mature ... but still ... poor Paula ... having to go through all this must be terrible for her!!

Yeah totally agree with you - † -! ^__^ Sometimes knowing the truth is difficult and really hard to deal with it's life and we really have to go through with it!

Yes it's very hard on Paula and yet a good thing that it came out not true but what Paula had been through almost caused her life... She's been hurt by that fact that she almost committed suicide... but Francis didn't know that... pnly recently that Paula told me... And what admirable is Paula forgave the girl... and I'm like huh??? why??? Man! if i was her... that girl would receive all the dirtiest words that i can't think of from me... What she did is unforgiveable coz she almost ruined a family and almost caused my friend's life...

but then again i'm not Paula... I'm just happy coz things turned out well for Paula... and I just hope that Francis will keep his promise to Paula and really really change for the better...

Oh, Thanks you guys for hearing Paula's story....^__^

So are they ok now?? Did everything work out??

Wow ... and to think that all that can actually happen in real life ... -.-" ... it's a scary thought ... but I'm glad everything worked out ok in the end!! =D

Wish them all the best for the future and all the happiness they can get ... coz I think they deserve it!! =D

I wouldn't wanna be in her shoes either...

but if Francis did this before marriage n afterward he had been faithful since then...

I'd say give him another chance if they still love each other...for their sake n the child's sake

she should accept his kid...n make the best of it...since what's done is done..

They seem to be okay now... i guess... Paula's moving on anf Francis acts as if nothing happened... the incidence may not seem to affect then really but i still say that in some ways the trust of Paula to Francis got another crack on it... and i'm hoping that they can work it out too... for me i believe that Francis shouldn't have kept a secret like that to Paula for that long... I mean Francis should have told Paula earlier to avoid greater consequences right? but he didn't and now what else can Francis hides from Paula...? i guess Paula wouldn't know... he might do it again and again to her... aaaahhh... i don't know too! i guess like Paula, it's best to just put everything to faith and let things get through....

I think... Paula should just leave Francis. It all depends about how much she loves him, and how willing she is able to forgive him again. She knew about his past mistakes, but it also depends on how serious, how big and how hurtful the past mistakes are. But if I am Paula, i would leave him, and i would do it in such a way Francis would not be able to forget. Get even.

i would save my mom...and then jump after my belove....

But you see guys, leaving a person whom you love isn't really that difficult. Specially when you spend half of your life with him/her. For Paula's behalf, there's lots of things she must consider. She's had been into a broken family and she don't want the same thing to happen to her kid. Francis is not that a bad guy...(as my personal opinion) i think Francis is just inconsiderate for Paula's feelings... I mean Francis might be self centered... and side from that he's okey.. He provides well for his family... takes care of his daughter and everything... but as a husband... a lot of shortcomings on Francis...